ADHD thinkies

the period of contemplation, is it familiar? 

do you also swat your thoughts around like flies,
trying to make sense of their purpose? 
it's not like i hit them and one of them dies,
no, they explode, implode even
and flood my head with unnecessary messages. 

why do they fly around and around my head? 
i'm no cattle nor sheep nor a corpse that stinks,
but a human lost in their mind so deep
they forget to blink, speak
and these eyes glass over fast, sleek.

i swear there is someone home in there,
just catching my breath between each think-
do you inhale less than you exhale too? 
because recently, I do.
i think and think and think,
and then exhale like i ran half a marathon,
then my mind goes like your eyes: blank.

i wonder what these periods of contemplation mean,
it's not sadness or fear or anger in here,
more like a void of melancholy, that sweeps me
off my feet. off the earth. out of mind. 
i think so much i forget to be kind
and then the thoughts try to keep me
looping on incline, process now, think!

fuck. 

then i hit a wall. the flies die. thoughts hide.
i squint my eyes even, to see them, remember
what the fuck was I just saying? 
i can't see the cloud that eats it all
i can't feel the - fuck.

I forgot to take my ADHD meds for 2 weeks. 

I'm gonna go do that. And see what my thoughts do,