The journey of introspection

I haven’t always been the most intuitive, introspective, insightful person. For most of my life I walked around in blinders that stopped me from looking anywhere else but forward. And ahead of me all I could see was fixed, the same old road, the same familiar pathway, maybe even going in circles, but i couldn’t see around me so how could i know. 

Blind to the meadows on the right, to the oceans on the left, to the trees above me, to the land beneath me, and to the distance that I had already walked. The road that I had paved with my own two feet. 

When the blinders came off, a whole new world opened up. Not just around me but within me as well. Now being able to choose what direction I wanted to go in, I had hope and curiosity to finally off-road and experience new spaces, feelings, meet new creatures and experiences. 

Yet, years of walking the same old road, had given me comfort and familiarity. The hope and curiosity that sparked within me, did not add up to the needed bravery to actually dive into these new lands. 

So I dove in theory. 

I imagined what it would be like to walk on the meadows on the left: the fresh air, the soft grass, the birds and bees amongst the flowers. But my mind didn’t want to allow me to dream too much, so I was met with fear of getting lost there and not knowing where I’d end up. Stung by a bee once too many times, what if i’m allergic?! 

I imagined what it would be like to walk on the beach by the ocean, the sand beneath my feet, the sound of waves crashing onshore, the soft sea breeze and gawking seagulls. Yet again, my comfort came knocking, saying i’d get tired of the shifting sands, that the sea will be stormy and might wash over me and take me far from land, and the seagulls would turn into vultures and I would just die. 

Morbid, innit. 

Held back by so many fears, what ifs. Deep distrust in anything that is different from where i’ve been, but at the same, an even deeper desire burning inside me, to know where I could go and what wonders it would hold. 

And then I did it, i stepped off road. And I dabbled, no factory freed cow galloping the grasslands, but i tested the ground. I took laps around the meadows and came back to my familiar road. I went and touched the sandy beaches and dipped a finger in the ocean, and went back on to my familiar road. 

Finally, one day, i found myself going further. And then that happened again, and again. And I went further, and further. 

Until I didn’t want to go back to the familiar road anymore. 

I had built trust in myself, that i wouldn’t get lost. I grew trust in my surroundings, and that it wouldn’t try to kill me. 

I found trust in the unknown & found that it can excite me. Teach me. Grow me stronger. 

All that, happened within me. And then it rippled outside of me.

And I can now me the intuitive, introspective, insightful person that i always wanted to be. I can walk around and see all of the directions I could go towards, and I can trust that the changing, unpredictable, unknown lands hold something new for me. 

And that new, is not bad. It’s different & thats okay. Because now i have trust, and from that comes bravery.